Posted in Northport, Old Tapes, Personal, Weird, tagged Ann Williams, Answering Machine, Chris Martin, Fannie Mae, Graham Lott, Magic Steve, Matt Kehoe, Mom, Northport, Reba, Skin on March 23, 2009|
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So, back when I was living in Manhattan and Brooklyn… I had a landline. And it used regular old cassette tapes. I started leaving strange outgoing messages all the time. Basically encouraging my friends to leave me strange messages. Although, I don’t think I really needed to give them any encouragement. Here are a few choice ones from my collection of answering machine messages…

Fannie Mae- Reba (This was a random call that I got. I don’t know how the woman didn’t know she got the wrong number. She never called back.)
Graham- Wondering Where I Am (I ended up going with them. Obviously, since I still have my testicles.)
Chris M.- Reading From A Porn Book (My friend, Chris, would call up and leave strange messages. Usually for no other reason then to be strange. We actually had an ongoing battle back in high school with his own answering machine.)
Kehoe- Getting Skin to Say What He Is Doing (My friend, Matt, called me when he knew I wasn’t home to play a prank on our mutual friend, Skin (James). Pretty funny, I think.)
Mom- Ann Is Out Of Jail (My sister decided to take a taxi from New York City to Northport. And then she decided that they would stiff the cabbie out of the fare. But, the cab driver told the police that she and her friends robbed him by gun and knife point. Needless to say, I became the good child after that for awhile.)
Magic Steve- Wants To Be On One Of My Tapes (I used to go to this bar on the Upper East Side and he was the bartender. He used to let me bring in mix tapes and play them while I was in there. And he would do magic tricks for me. We ended up becoming friends. But, then he wanted me to have sex with his wife and he wanted to have sex with my girlfriend at the time. He was a swinger. And my girlfriend wasn’t about to do that… ha ha.)
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